Cori and I are enjoying a lovely time in Thailand. We've ventured to Chiang Mai, now we're in Bangkok, and we'll be finishing out the trip in Phuket.
This trip has taught me many things so far:
1) Buddha, he is taller than you, even when he is not.
2) Thai people are impressed when you can eat the real "local" level of spice.
3) Always request a new credit card when the old one is shut down due to fraud. Always.
4) Do not believe a man who says he is an english teacher if he is hanging out on the street with a towel in the back of his shirt at 11am on a Thursday.
5) Just because a hotel has cleaners doesn't mean that they will follow their namesake.
6) Bangkok is hot.
7) All the hippies in California moved to Chiang Mai
8) Elephants make great gifts.
9) Bangkok is hot, but in the way Phoenix is hot if Phoenix was next to the Ohio river.
10) Would you like that fried? Of course you would.
11) Thai is a hard language to pick up once you start learning Chinese.
12) Just because a sign is in english doesn't mean its in english.
13) Pulling out a map near more than one taxi driver is like bleeding in the ocean near a reef with a family of sharks nearby.
14) Tuk-Tuks are lawn mowers with a roof and a steering wheel.
15) Things are sometimes more expensive if they have to be made cold, because you're fighting physics.
16) French men laugh funny.
17) Italians terrify me.
18) Australians are the reason beer exists.
19) The harder someone tries to lower the price to get you to buy it, the more likely its better that you don't buy it at all.
20) American panhandlers have nothing on babies with missing legs.
21) If something is named a goofy name, its more likely due to poor translation than actual humor.
22) "Sugar free" is a mystical concept, except with water.
23) The water has one temperature: on.
24) Khao San Road in Bangkok is eternally on Spring Break.
25) The shortest distance between two tourist sites is a zig-zagging, curved, and twisted path.
26) Get on the boat immediately, even if it looks like its going to pull away from the pier suddenly, because it is going to pull away from the pier suddenly.
27) If someone sighs and reaches for a calculator, the price of what you want to buy just went up.
28) Lizards live in rooms. On the wall. Do not attempt to change this law of nature.
29) Everyone you think is the same nationality as you is actually German, occasionally French.
30) Everyone the same nationality as you thinks you're German or French.
31) When the taxi driver "has no change" start to count coins. Suddenly the taxi driver has change.
32) If someone asks where you're from, they're asking your nationality, not point of origin.
33) Any name brand can and will be mutilated in the name of profit. Example: Puma becomes Punta (silhouette of girl,) Pumba (The Lion King,) and so on.
34) Anything name brand is probably not name brand.
35) Watches: the bigger, the better. Flava Flav had it right.
36) If someone tells you that something is closed and they do not have a gun, they are lying.
37) Smile first, ask questions later.
38) Something with the word "Chez" in it is most likely lower scale than something with the word "Hippie" in it.
39) The car that is moving the fastest is more likely to stop for you than the car that is going 5 miles an hour.
40) That thing you thought you would never see for sale again? Walk five minutes. There it is again.
41) Shaving with "womens" razors is somehow better than shaving with "mens" razors.
42) That prepackaged, sealed food you left in the hotel room? It is now a miniature ant colony.
43) Its really hard for salesmen to argue with people that are complimenting them.
44) If someone says its "a little spicy" and they do not have a gun, they are lying.
45) If someone says its "really spicy" there is no way to turn that spice level down.
46) The number of taxis around is directly proportional to the number of drunk people around.
47) If an escalator only seems to have a door at the top and no other way out, its a trap.
48) In one block it is possible to obtain a custom-tailored suit, a tattoo, dreads, a cd at one-third its retail, a hammock, a foot massage, fried everything, and enough beer to bludgeon someone to death.